So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
