dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
