How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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