There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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