Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
