Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
