I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
