Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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