Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
