i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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