Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
