thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
