apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
