actually, I'm a sock model
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
