are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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