You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
