I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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