the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
