dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
