I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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