I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
