Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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