my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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