Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
