she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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