She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
