I feel like I'm in dance class right now
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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