I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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