Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
