After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
