Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
