Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
