conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
