I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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