She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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