I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
