there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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