I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
