My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
