An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
