filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
