I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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