So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We were destined to go to rehab together
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
