whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
