the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
