Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize