So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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