do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
