I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Duck Duck Cougar?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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