my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
