Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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