I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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