So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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