my phone needs a breathalizer
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize