oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize