Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he had hair everywhere except his balls
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
