she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
