I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
