I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
