haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
