this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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