Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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