he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
