Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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